Pain.

"Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell"

So yesterday's counseling session was as predicted - hell. I had gotten myself so worked up during the day that I made myself physically ill. When I got to the counselor's office, he wasn't there so the two of us discussed a few things while we waited on him. As soon as she said "He's here" my stomach fell. I couldn't look at him. I most certainly wasn't going to be able to speak to him. We did lay everything out, and I really didn't get any more answers than what I went in with, except that he was hoping we could work it out. Um, no thanks, let's move on. By the end of the session, I had yelled. He cussed. Nothing accomplished but me hurting and hating more. The counselor did flat out tell him that he needs to move out. I think it finally sank in...and he stayed there after I left. I'm not sure for how long, or what they discussed. I couldn't take anymore of that.

I’ve asked him to be out in two weeks. I need to move on. I need closure, and I need some sort of stability. I’m not excited about living out of a suitcase any longer.

After I left the session, I decided to mend some long strained fences, so I called his mom. For those that don’t know, D and I haven’t spoken to his mom in over a year. There’s a very long, drawn out story there…anyways, I felt that I needed to tell her that we’re not together any longer. After the conversation with her, I felt surprisingly calm, and almost relieved. I like where we left it.